You see I sat there in my room staring at the black walls aroundme not realizing that my room wasn’t dark, but just the darknessOf my mind that remained from all the colours that onced shaped Me into who I was. I felt so lonely and couldn’t sleep at nightBecause everything gives me fright. The pain and the sadness Takes control and once again I’m all alone at night.
Now my heart is weak, my emotions are on repeat, still laughter Spills out, I’m at my peak. I live everyday, hoping this pain mightSomeday end. I go to bed and pray to God, but it doesn’t workI’m stuck again. I craved for reasons to be a winner, but the puddlesOn my sheets said I was a sinner. I hid myself behind these words Hoping no one’s smart enough to read between the lines.All the tears bottle up inside, from all the lies the devil tempted bleedMe dry. Just one tear shows a million emotions because it’s all mixed with terror and commotion. You see! My thoughts were like tornadoesWinding up my insides,making me afraid to let people in, afraid to have Them see what I couldn’t be.
It came to a point where my thoughts startedSpinning out of control like a car sliding on ice. There was a lot of thingsI didn’t realizedSometimes I wish I could peacefully fade away. No more stress! No more Misery! No more loneliness!, but I can’t because there are so many peopleWho would miss me today . I can’t look back because its my past that I Hate but I can’t travel to the future because that would be a mistake.That monster keeps reminding me of the old me that I hate , knowingThe more I let in, is the more they relate.
Everyday I see myself talking to The black walls wishing everyday wouldn’t be the same, wishing I’d find The courage push that feeling away. That’s when I turned to the bible reading scriptures day by day, asking for Forgiveness so he could wash my sins away. I learned to accept that I wasSinned, I was different, and I’m going to feel harsh pain someday. It isn’t easyAnd you can’t say it is.
