Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus
“Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus” is a book written by American author and relationship counsellor John Grey , after he had earned degrees in meditation and taken a correspondence course on psychology. The book states that most common relationship problems between men and women are a result of fundamental psychological difference between the sexes , which the author exemplifies by means of its eponymous metaphor ; that men and women are from distinct planets – men from Mars and women from Venus – and that each sex is acclimated to its own planet’s society and customs , but not to those of the other.
Grey writes how men and women each monitor the amount of giving and taking in relationships . If the balance shifts one person feeling they have given more than they have received , resentment can develop . This is a time when only communication can help to bring the relationship back into balance.
Grey further asserts men and women view giving and receiving love differently, how individual actions intended as loving expressions are ” tallied up ” . According to Grey, women and men are often surprised to find their partners ” keep score ” at all, or that their scoring methods widely differ.
He says women use points system which few men are aware of . Each individual act of love gets one point , regardless of magnitude . The women should be satisfied with his performance and give him credit for it . He encourages talking about these issues openly .
Grey also states when a male tolerance to stressful situations is exceeded they withdraw temporarily , ” retreating into their cave ” , so to speak . Grey holds that male retreat into the cave has historically had been hard for women to understand . When women became unduly stressed , their natural reaction is to talk with someone close about it . This sets up a natural dynamic where the man retreats as the women tries to get closer , which becomes a major source of conflict between them.
The ” wave ” is a term Grey to describe a natural dynamic centred around a women’s ability to give to other people . He writes when she feels full of love and energy to give to others , her wave is stable , when she gives of herself , but doesn’t receive adequate love and attention in return , her wave becomes unbalanced , cresting and eventually crashing , then a women needs the attention , listening , understanding , and reassurance of those around her – as well as self love . Grey explains that once she is rejuvenated by getting g the support she needs , her wave is able to build and rise once again , with renewed love and energy to give . Men , advises Grey , should support this natural cycle by not being threatened by it or telling her why she should not feel the way a women feels .